It’s been a while since my last post, mainly because my family has been a bit pre-occupied. My wife and I had our first child on April 7th, a beautiful girl named Brooke.  I could tell instantly that life would never be the same.  I would also like to take this opportunity to praise my wife for everything she went through and continues to go through.  She is an amazingly strong woman, and an incredible partner in life.

In my last post, I referred to the problem of requirements communication on a software production team as the old ‘Telephone Game.’  The basic idea is that all information communicated between two people gets distorted in some way, even when the most careful words are chosen with the best of intentions. I am sure anyone married or in a serious relationship has had some experience with this.  I know my wife and I have.

Her mom was visiting recently to help with the baby and after dinner one night the family was sitting around the table.

“Can you help my mom and I get on the internet?”

Now, I know that my wife knows how to ‘get on the internet.’  She helps me on a daily basis to look things up, do research, and pay bills.  Anyone who knows me here at the office knows that a sentence like the above is fair game.  So, the next few minutes were a lot of fun.  We all had a good laugh.

What she was referring to was that I had purchased a video cam for our home PC, so that when her mother went home to Iowa, she could still see her Grand-daughter whenever she wanted.  In all fairness, what my wife had said wasn’t really incorrect, just incomplete, because they did get on the internet together the next night.

A serious problem with all human communication is that by the time the message is heard and processed by the other person, it has been translated several times. First, you have to translate whatever you are thinking into words.  This represents the first mutation of the message.  You are expressing yourself with the vocabulary that you are comfortable with, and if you are speaking English that vocabulary is full of words that have more than one meaning, more than word that sounds the same, etc.  Next, the words are spoken, which can introduce tone, accents, inappropriate or confusing pauses (ala Captain Kirk), and so forth.  Next the person or persons you are speaking to must then hear those words and will translate them into their own thoughts that represent what you were trying to say.  (I am sure Dr. Melissa Read has a much more scientific explanation for this.)  In my example from home above, you can see how what my wife was thinking wasn’t exactly what she said, and when you read or hear those words, how they can be interpreted as something completely different.

The same problems exist in the written word, with slightly different mutating elements.  The written word can’t accurately express tone, and usually is presented without facial expressions or body language, which are usually imperative in human expression.  One good thing about the written word is that you take time to think before you write, which a lot of people don’t do before they speak, which can lead to big troubles.

I find it interesting when studying communication, that what you learn in one environment is usually applicable in every other environment.  For example, what you learn at home when learning to communicate with your family, you can usually apply at the office, and vice versa.  Understanding that communication isn’t as easy as it may seem and studying where there might be disconnects is important in all walks of life, and is just as important when talking to your spouse as it is when marketing your company to customers.  Over-confidence in the delivery of your message, and assuming that it was understood as intended can lead to a lot of unintended results.  If you are humble enough to study and learn, you will find golden nuggets even in your mistakes.   If you barrel along not taking time to listen to others around you, or to your customers, you’ll wind up out of money and confused.